I am not yet a grandparent. I suppose I could be classified as a “grandmother in the making”, a “grandma in waiting”. My daughter has only recently married, but she has already shared that she and my son-in-law would “like to get pregnant” in a year. That phrase is something new to me – the idea that both of them will get pregnant, even though only her stomach will swell. In my time, the woman got pregnant, got morning sickness, and went through labor and delivery, just as, more often than not she would be the one to change the baby’s dirty diapers. Nowadays, although physically it is an impossibility - spiritually and emotionally, the father shares it all - and isn’t afraid the baby will break if he, not the mother, tends to its needs. I like this notion.
When my daughter was brand-new married, several friends and co-workers would ask me about her wedding and then immediately following that, they’d ask whether or not I was ready to be a grandparent! I thought it was a very premature question. Why would they so quickly jump from her fresh state of marriage to queries about her having babies? I was almost insulted by this. But I quickly came to realize that even I, although furtively, was beginning to imagine a time when my daughter would be asking me to baby-sit, or to teach the child the songs I brought to her when she was a young child. Try as I might, when I spend time with her, I can’t keep myself from imagining what my daughter’s pregnant body will look like. And, she too has started exploring the possibility of motherhood and pregnancy. She and her new husband discuss it privately – considering when it might be best to put thoughts into action.
I have many examples of the grandmother I would like and not like to be. I don’t want to overly spoil the child so that the parents will dread my having time with him or her. I don’t want to seem old-fashioned so that the child might find me boring. I have a cousin who, I believe, is the best possible example of the kind of grandma I would like to become. She is inventive, creative, loving and protective, fun and appropriate, and ever so patient. I find myself taking mental notes whenever I observe her with any of her 5 grandchildren. She is older than I, but never old-fashioned. She is just offbeat enough to keep her grandchildren interested in whatever ideas or plans she comes up with for them. She is protective, but not smothering; loving, but not coy. She is intelligent and treats the children as intelligent human beings, not some miniature wind-up toys. She treats each child with the individuality that they deserve and she has fostered love amongst them so that when she is no longer with them, they will be close with each other and share their fond memories. This is the grandmother I want to be.
While I wait for the day when my daughter and son-in-law call to share their pregnant news, I have started a small collection for my future grandchild. I have saved some treasured books and recordings. I have started a small family album of the child’s ancestors. I have stashed away pretty sweaters and handsome scarves – to one-day pull over the little girl’s head, or wrap gently around the little boy’s neck. One day they will know me – and I will adore them.
