For
years I longed to be a grandmother. My desire was to be able to keep
them here safe at home, because their mothers had to work. God
granted me the ability to keep watch over Daniel until he was two years
old and over Jacob until he was one year old. No one has ever been
so blessed.
We would sing their favorite songs the special Mamaw way. Daniel’s
was “Jesus Loves Me.” We added all the names of the people they
loved and was sure Jesus loved also. Daniel would start getting
drowsy as his little arm came up around his neck and his “sleepy
elbow” would stick out in front of his chin as he clutched his dog,
Mutzart. Jacob’s favorite was “Amazing Grace.” That
belonged to his mother, Kim, and him, but he let me sing it as he drifted
off to sleep sucking on his thumb with his forefinger curled over his
freckled nose. They both loved “Old MacDonald” which could run on as
long as half an hour as we thought of the sounds on his farm. When
we sang, “The Wheels On The Bus, Mamaw always forgot where the bus was
going, much to the boys delight. The bus would always end up in a
nearby city with the boys protesting that it was “all the way to
town.”
I would not exchange those years for anything on this earth even although
the physical requirements were causing my health to worsen day by day.
I was living in constant pain from several chronic ailments. The
doctors informed me that I was re-injuring myself each time I picked up
one of the babies, those precious babies that I wanted to hold and love on
all day long.
What do you do? How can you just quit something you love? How
can you let everyone down? What would happen to the babies?
How could I survive without them here every day? What earthly use
would I be to anyone in this condition? I felt like a complete and
utter failure.
Thank the Lord that I did not have to make the decision. The doctors
made it for me. If I continued on the way I was, I would end up in
the hospital or worse. My husband, J. W., and I talked about the
best time for me to quit. Around Jacob’s first birthday, I told my
daughters that I just was physically unable to keep them on a daily basis
any more. It was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do.
Two years ago Elizabeth enrolled Daniel in Tri-Cities Christian School. I
have watched him develop from a shy, quite child into an outgoing,
thoughtful, and confident leader. He went into the school crying and
staying off to himself. One of the other older children came over to
him and made him feel better. Now when another younger child comes
into daycare and is crying Daniel is the one who unhesitatingly and
thoughtfully offers to show him the ropes.
I spent Grandparents’ Day with Daniel. We had our picture made
together, the first picture I have voluntarily made in thirty years, and I
actually like it. He was so proud that his Mamaw was there, that he
introduced me to everyone that he saw. As we stood in the lunch
line, he looked up at me and said matter-of-factly, “Mamaw, did
you know there is one God, just one, and only one God?” As I
smiled I said, “Yes, Daniel, that’s right.” “And, Mamaw, did
you know that He is three in one? He is God the Fodder, God the Son,
and God the Holy Spirit”. Out of the mouths of babes comes such
wisdom. God placed him here for a reason. I have not lost my
place in his life I have gained another. As I see him grow it is
easier to see my part in his new life. He still needs me, just in a
different way.
Two years ago Kim entered Jacob into a Christian daycare, which will
remain nameless. He had to be potty trained to get into the daycare
where Daniel is. We would go to pick up Jacob and he was clearly not
taken care of properly. My nightmare had been realized. He
could not stay there and I was in worse condition than ever. I felt
completely useless.
Kim talked with my sister, Linda, and her daughter, Ellen, who is being
home schooled. Ellen is a teenager who is much older than her years
and loves babies. Ellen is taking care of Jacob with Linda’s help.
As it turns out Jacob is the type of child who has so much energy that it
takes several people to keep up with him. When he first went there
Pa Bill was still alive. Jacob kept Pa Bill active until he went to
be with the Lord in 2004. Jacob was supposed to be there. His
Great-Uncle “Shred”, Fred, keeps him on his toes and he loves his
great-cousin Cliff.
Linda has started home schooling Jacob this past year. He has
learned so much. She teaches him Bible every day and does Christian
crafts with him. At the same time he is learning to cook, to plant
potatoes, to harvest the garden, to can, to work with wood, and to work on
vehicles. Whatever the family is doing he is right there in the
middle of it all.
Last week as the family was processing a deer to be frozen, three year old
Jacob and his cousin, four-year-old Daniel, were in the hall with their
trucks when Cliff just happened to be passing by unnoticed by the two who
were talking as they played.
This is the conversation he overheard:
Jacob asked Daniel, “Are you going to heaven?”
Daniel immediately said, “Yes.”
Jacob asked, “Why?”
Daniel answered, “Because that is where God is. Are you going to
heaven?”
Jacob said, “Yes.”
Daniel inquired, “How do you know?”
Jacob said, “Because I am saved.”
To think that these two toddlers where having this conversation as
naturally as breathing assures me that God does know what is best for us
all. They may be too young to fully know what they were talking
about now, but God is allowing the seeds to be planted and watered. He
will give the increase.
I cannot be everything to my children and grandchildren. I cannot
give them all the good things I want them to have. When I came to
the end of myself I found that God could provide better than I ever could
for all of us.
Now I am content to just be me here in this ever-changing place that God
has planted me. I cannot do it all. God did not expect that of
me. I did. I am just the Mamaw who doesn’t go off to work
every day. I am just the Mamaw who has limitations. I am just
the Mamaw who is there when Daniel is sick. I am just the Mamaw when
the girls need someone to watch the baby’s overnight. I am not
super-grandmother. I am just the Mamaw of Daniel and Jacob.
We
have just found out that Emily Elizabeth Rhymer, Emmie, will make her
appearance in May. This is our third grandchild and Daniel’s baby
sister. The desire to keep watch over this baby is as strong as it
was with the first two. Only God can give me the strength to do so.
He can and has brought forth strength out of weakness. Whatever he
works is best for this Mamaw and her grandbabies. After all, I am
just the Mamaw.
