I am the lucky grandmother of nine beautiful grandchildren. Even before my first grandchild was born, I knew that I had to play a special role in their lives. I knew that I would need to take some initiative and follow my head and heart.
Each one of my grandchildren is special and unique and I have developed a special bond with each one. Sometimes they share ideas with me that they haven’t shared with anyone else. I value and cherish our relationships and love them all unconditionally, but unlike my grandchildren I do believe that some days are more special than others.
When my eldest grandchild was 2 years old, I decided that I would like to spend some time alone with him. It was his birthday so I took him for a “Special Day”, just him and I, the whole day together. We would begin with breakfast, planning our day together. We might decide to go to a movie, see a live performance, or just take a walk on the beach. Sometimes it included lunch or dinner, a little trip somewhere, or time alone at our beach house where we could laugh together and talk, talk, talk. Of course, we would find the time to shop for that special birthday gift. This Special Day was such a hit that it was requested more than once a year – it became a biannual activity!
When my second grandson arrived, I didn’t think I could love him as much as his brother, but love is so expandable. I loved holding and carrying him. He used to press his cheek to mine and that’s how we were always seen together. The rest of the family said I used glue to keep our two cheeks together! Number two grandson is very different from number one – I call him my diplomat. He hates any dissension amongst the family and will always try to divert attention away from controversy.
My third experience as a grandmother was bonus time. We received two gorgeous boys at once. I enjoyed caring for the twins one or two days a week. I don’t like to call it baby-sitting because that sounds like a chore and in reality it is a great joy to have any of my grandkids visit. These twins were a little slower to sit unsupported so when they came over, I would sit them against the wall and prop them up with pillows and quilts. They would look up at me, smile and then inevitably roll on top of each other, laughing. I couldn’t help but to join in laughing as well. When they too became old enough I took them for their Special Day with grandma until one day when the twins were ten, they said, “No fair, you always take us together. We want to go individually, like the rest.” I was delighted to hear this because it meant that they each wanted to spend time alone with me!
Next came my first granddaughter. I could never forget my overwhelming delight. She was so beautiful, I couldn’t stop crying. The attending nurse told my daughter, “There’s a lady at the nursery window jumping up and down yelling, ‘We did it! We did it!’ As a seamstress, I was excited to outfit this granddaughter with a fancy new Grandma-made dress a few times each year. Somehow it’s different sewing for girls!
The twins received a baby brother when they were five. He’s been my “little guy” ever since. I guess I’ll stop calling him that when he reaches 20…or maybe not. As each new baby arrived, I think I was more excited than the parent.
Finally, our eldest son decided it was time to marry and start a family. His first child was a boy and I swear that when the nurse carried him from the delivery room and showed him to me, as I stood in the hallway, he opened his eyes and said, “Hi Grandma!” Two years later, his sister followed. She had the strongest pair of lungs in the hospital. Her poor mother couldn’t get enough rest so I’d come and carry her in the hallway, talk and sing to her. I created a bond with my princess from birth.
Number nine grandchild came into the family at six years old, with the new partner of my eldest son. Within a short time he too began to call me Grandma, and became my newest partner for Special Days.
I’m like a ferocious tiger when I’m defending any of my grandkids. My mother used to say, “Which of your ten fingers hurt the most if cut?” Of course they all hurt the very same. It’s impossible to feel less attached to any part of you. Love is the nourishment we all need in order to learn and grow. We learn tolerance and understanding if there’s love in our lives.
Special Days enable me to continue to develop my close relationship with each grandchild. We establish a mutual trust. I teach by example, paying extra attention to how I interact with others. I use praise, such as “I’m proud to be your grandmother and I treasure you!”
When you treat your grand children as strong, intelligent individuals, that’s what they’ll become. Our family celebrates birthdays and holidays together, with meals, candles, toasts, modest gifts, lots of laughter and storytelling. It’s important to tell your grandchildren stories that they’ll remember the rest of their lives. They love to hear anecdotes about themselves when they were younger, about their brothers or sisters, cousins, parents or even dear old grandpa. These kinds of traditions can increase bonding between the generations.
I believe it’s also important to be flexible and make changes as they are needed. Having nine grandchildren, it has become more difficult to find enough free days available for every one of them, so sometimes I join cousins together. Last holiday season, I took three grandkids from three different families to a live performance of “The King and I.” We had a wonderful time and I enjoyed watching the interactions of the cousins together. If we as grandparents can guide family members to love one another and overlook differences, what a grand world this could be.
When I asked my oldest grandson, who’s now 22, “What will we do when you have a steady girlfriend? No more special days?” Without hesitation he replied, “We’ll take her with us!”
Confirmation of just how powerful Special Days are, came when my daughter exclaimed, “ I guess when my own grandkids arrive, I will need to take them for Special Days and continue the tradition.”
Anne Derewianko
grandmother of nine resides in Vancouver, B.C.
