Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting

Do you have a situation that you don't know that answer to?  Do you want help from another grandparent?  If so send your name (or alias), email address, and a little bit about yourself and the situation to grandpals@grandparentsmagazine.net.  It will be posted here and hopefully another grandparent will be able to help you.  One random question per month will be selected to go into the newsletter.  If you get help can you please let me know!!!

Note:  Please do not DUMP on other grandparents.  If you can't be helpful, please don't write.  This section is for HELPFUL advice it is not to judge or be judged!  Thanks!

(2007)

Overweight:  Our grandson is 6 years old and weighs 80 lbs.  We have him one weekend a month and while he is here we try our best to keep junk food out of the picture. How do we get the parents into taking the bull by the horns and helping their child eat in a healthy way.  All attempts to bring up the subject have fallen on deaf ears. - Any Suggestions?

Can't Locate Grandchild:  My granddaughter will be four in March '07    I have not seen or heard from her in over a year    There is no phone.  I did a search and came up with the address.  My son, the father has no ties to the child.  How can I locate her     I would like a relationship with her  we bonded when we met but now it seems she is lost to me   I have her SS#   Can I use that somehow to locate her?   I live in Staten Island, NY.  I would love to send her cards, gifts, photos, etc    I fear she is very poor.   Please advise what I can do.  Thank you!  Teresa

Penpals Wanted:  Dear Friends,  I am a 48, yr old, single, lady with Chronic Fatigue, I also have Friedeich's Ataxia. I would like adopted Grandparent. My Grandpa is still living, my Grandma is dead. I would like to correspond with others.  Please email if you are interested.  Denise

Only Grandchild Moving Away:  My son and his wife are expecting our first grandchild this month, and have decided to move 1000 miles away from us in may! I am very upset that my son would accept a job far away when he has several other job opportunities nearby. We are now within close driving distance and he visits us often. Help, what can be done about this situation?

Never Seen My Two Grandchildren:  I have 2 grandson whom I have never seen, MY oldest daughter has not spoken to me in over 4 years. I was not even invited to her wedding. WHY Because her husband is a controlling person. He does not like me to say the least, and has swayed my daughter to his way of thinking. Before she met him we were best friends.  I have tried over and over again to make peace. Apologize for things that I never did, just so I could see my daughter and my grandson's. I have stopped reaching out to her. Because overtime I am rejected I get very depressed. My prayer is that one day I will be able to hug and kiss my daughter again, and meet my grandson's.
I have other children a girl and a boy and a son- in-law and we are all very close. (she also does not speak to them either) God has blessed us, my 2nd daughter is pregnant and will be having her first child in August Right now I'm looking into baby showers, I will be a very important person in this baby's life.  Do you think I should keep on reaching out to her, or have I done enough? - Annie

1st Time Caller:  Just found this website.  I am a soon-to-be 65 grandmother of three. I have raised the 15-year old since birth (17 yr old mother, living in home at the time); a 9 1/2 yr old (almost retarded, has selective mutism), and have "most of the time" care for the 6 1/2 yr old boy (ADDHD and psychotic). My husband died three years ago and I really don't have any family near me to help out. Social service kind of short-changes grandparents "who can afford it" around here; I feel foolish even contacting them for help. [It's not the money, I am comfortable; it's the emotional drain that is getting to me.] I guess I'd just like to have some (even on-line) company in this. The Grandparents Group I went to once was 'nice" but those ladies are dealing with much more serious problems that I ever hope to meet. Same thing with the Parenting through Depression group I tried (again, once). Everyone thinks that I am doing fine -- I'm an angel, a saint, etc. What I really am is Just a Girl Who Can't Say No. When I do begin to open up to others, I usually get cut off by their recitation of woes. I am clinically depressed, being treated with medication, but I'd sure like to be more positive and feel happier than I do.
Any "atta-girls" out there?  PO

Need Help Fast:  My 30 yr old daughter and her boyfriend are both addicts. They have a 18 month old little girl. They have been living on the streets in Seattle for 2 years. I live in Calif. 4 years ago I was hit by a car while walking and suffered brain trauma. The other grandma lives 30miles from me. Recently my daughter was arrested in Seattle for misc. stuff. While she has been in jail, the other Grandma went to Seattle, found her son and the baby and brought them back to Calif. We have been switching back and forth with childcare. Her son signed some type of "release" for the baby. Maybe home made, I don't know. He has no interest in her. My question is this: When my daughter gets out in a few weeks I know she will make her way to Calif. to collect her child and then disappear into the night. She has 2 outstanding felony counts against her in CA. I am thinking of putting her into the foster care program to protect her from her mother. This would force my daughter to clean herself up to get her daughter back. BUT AM I BEING NAIVE? Will the Ca. Foster Care program be worse for her? My daughter will find a way to take her child back if I don't hide her or something. what should we do? Please any insight will help. Our time is short.

Custody Issues:  My husband and I who are only 47 years old have custody of our 4 year old granddaughter "K", who has lived with us since birth and her mother is fighting get custody back.

My son married 6 years ago to her mother who is bipolar manic depressant and refuses to get treatment. She has a 6 year old son she had at 16 from another person who was a one night stand. She is getting child support from his biological father. She was thrown out of her home when she was 13. She is wild and does not have any Christian values or morals.

My son joined the military and the moved out of stated. When developed marital issues only because she wanted to party and not be a responsible mother and wife, she became very violent, both emotionally and physically. She has exposed her son to all of these acts and he has developed the same violent emotional & physical characteristics. At age 4 her son knew more curse words than a child should know and was also physically violent. She knew my son was going to divorce her and she would loose her home and be on the streets again so she made sure she would get pregnant.

They moved in with me 5 years ago and she had my granddaughter while living in my home. Life in my home was horrible; it was like living with Sybil. I had no idea what bipolar meant until then. She got involved with drugs and alcohol and had no respect for anyone. Nonetheless, when K was born she was civil for about 3 months and then she started her crazy character. She'd say she would be back in a few hours and show up a few days later. When K was 9 months old I discovered that she had not been taken to the doctor for her immunizations and took over.

Since then her mother moved out and we have taken care of K. My son has given us all rights to custody since he has gone back to school and is only working part time. He is trying to get his life back together. My granddaughter understands that grandma & grandpa are they parents that are raising her and her mother visits every other weekend. She is going to a private Christian school and I have been providing health insurance for her. K has not spent a day away from our home in 3 ½ years. We stopped going anywhere where there are long car rides because my she develops severe constipation if she has to set in a car seat for an extended period of time. Then we have to give her medication for 2 days before she is normal again.

We went to court when K was 2 years old to get custody, which the court granted us. My son has filed for divorce but it is on hold because the custody issue would have to be reconsidered and we are too scared that the court, even though she has lived and been cared by us almost since birth, would grant the mother custody. Granting her custody would not be in K's best interest. In experiencing how her half brother acts I believe that K would get emotionally and physically abused but I have no way to prove this to the court. We tried hiring a PI that cost us a lot of money but we were not able to get any real information because her & her son's violence happens inside their home and we can not monitor what happens inside.

She does have unsupervised visitation every other weekend from 12-4 and has a 2 hour drive from another city. She now has a job which she has managed to keep for over a year. She is filing to have K for 7 days unsupervised to include overnights from the Christmas holiday and every other weekend overnights as well.

K has never been away from home and is very dependent on my being there when she goes to bed or is sad. How am I going to get the courts to understand that? Her mother just wants control of K she could never provide the healthy Christian life style she has, and if she gets custody she will break the sweet innocent God believing little girl. Her mother does not believe in God.

Is there anything that we can do to keep her from having custody or overnight visitation?  K would be devastated if her normal life were to change and her mother can not seem to understand that.   -- A G

My 30 yr old daughter and her boyfriend are both addicts. They have a 18 month old little girl. They have been living on the streets in Seattle for 2 years. I live in CA.  Recently my daughter was arrested in Seattle. While she has been in jail, the other Grandma went to Seattle, found her son and the baby and brought them back to CA. We have been switching back and forth with childcare. My question is this: When my daughter gets out in a few weeks I know she will make her way to CA to collect her child and then disappear into the night. I am thinking of putting her into the foster care program to protect her from her mother. This would force my daughter to clean herself up to get her daughter back. Will the CA Foster Care program be worse for her?  What should we do? Please any insight will help. Our time is short.  Loraine!  

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