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Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting

Do you have a situation that you don't know that answer to?  Do you want help from another grandparent?  If so send your name (or alias), email address, and a little bit about yourself and the situation to grandpals@grandparentsmagazine.net.  It will be posted here and hopefully another grandparent will be able to help you.  One random question per month will be selected to go into the newsletter.

If you get help can you please let me know!!!

Long Distance Grandma Visiting Issues:  I am a long distance grandmother, and with Thanksgiving approaching, I will be visiting my 19-month old granddaughter. I have not seen her for 7 months, and I need some tips of how to warm up to her "gently" so she is not afraid of me! We will be having dinner at her other grandmothers house, who she knows very well. Last time I visited, the "other" grandmother would come and take my granddaughter out of my arms whenever she would start to fuss! I don’t feel I really got a chance for my little one to get to know me. Any suggestions? How do I gently tell the other grandmother to BACK OFF! ...Nicely???? Thank you!!

Do Grandparents Have to Be "Blood" Related?: Hi Everyone, I am not a grandmother, but I have 3 wonderful children; a son 8, and identical twin daughters who are 4. I left their father 2 1/2 yrs ago, and recently moved in with my boyfriend of over a year. Although my children still see their father every other weekend, they see their paternal grandparent only 4 or 5 times a year. (This is the grandparents faults - they live and work close to us, they just seem to have little interest). They do see my mother and father quite often though. My boyfriends parent however, have no grandchildren of their own and are wonderful with my kids. His mother is actually a 56 year old twin herself and loves to share her "growing up twins" stories with my kids. The depressing thing is this, she sulks and complains about never having "her very own" grandkids. I have tried to explain to her that a grandparents love is something that comes from the heart and not for a genetic code, but she doesn't seem to see it that way. I know that she loves my kids dearly, and they love her very very much. Do any of you have and great stories or words of wisdom I can pass on to her? I feel like sending her a card in the mail just telling her how special she is to me and to my kids, but I cant seem to find the perfect words to express how much she means to us. I appreciate any help you may offer on this. Thanks cdamom

(Sept/2006) My granddaughter is being raised by my foster daughter, she is so rigid with her that it is hard for my husband and i to be around her. I know she is trying to teach her the right way to behave, but i feel that she is going overboard. My foster daughter has been diagnosed with bipolar disease and i worry that she is not in control of her emotions. If we say anything she gets worse...Help....worried grandmother.

(Aug/2006) Sad from New York:  My name is Mary. I have five adult children and 11 grandchildren who live within a radius of 25 miles. My husband and I were married two years ago and moved into a new home about 20 miles away from the grandchildren. The problem is that unless I visit the grandchildren or bring them here, I never see them. My two daughters call once a week and sporadically I hear from the other two. I realize they are busy families who both work and the children are all so busy with school and sports.
I do have a life of my own with my husband. We travel and stay in Arizona for four months during the winter. I am an active person but miss the children terribly. I love all of my grandchildren. I do make birthday novelty cakes for them, take them out to lunch for their birthdays, buy gifts for special occasions, put money into accounts for them but I just don't feel like I have a relationship with them. When I invite the adults over, they make a thousand excuses why they can't come. I don't know what to do anymore. I love them very much and need help in dealing with this. Maybe I just need to continue on without them but I can't seem to do that. Any suggestions? I want my children and grandchildren to be part of my life. My one daughter accuses me of not being involved with the grandchildren, yet never lets me know what is going on in their lives so I can participate. Go figure. I don't know what to do. Mary

(Aug/2006) Assistance:  I would like to know is you are getting any type of assistance and could you please let me know. I am trying to live on an income setup for one person only and there is no funds for Edgecombe under its benefits program. Any info would be appreciated.  Lena Edwards

(Aug/2006) Kidnapped Grandchildren:  Hello fellow Grandpals, I have a important question that I hope someone out there has had to deal with. Those of you familiar with family law, are sort of knowledgeable that once parents of our grandchildren are stripped of their rights in a court of law, we (maternal or paternal grandparents) are no longer considered related. Thus grandparents rights do not hold up in court (in certain states) I have tried for years to find some state statutes that address this issue, however, I fail to believe that a lot of statutes were not addressed during the procedures, as to my requests to the case in court, because my daughter did not want any one in the family to have custody of my twin grandsons, whom my husband & I were awarded as an emergency foster home for 3 months, when the children were taken from the mother & father (they were not married at the time and since have no relationship). I might add they were only 3 months old at the time when one of them was admitted to the hospital with a fractured skull, shaken baby syndrome, older injuries to both of his legs etc) Thus even though the Missouri statutes state that we should of been notified of any court hearing etc, if the parent is against us being there, the case workers involved & the GAL failed to make us aware of the proceedings, thus making it impossible for us to be at any hearings, or hire an attorney. Before it was all said & done after they (social services) took my grandsons out of our home they had 5 more foster homes, they stayed in the system (cash cow-government ruined business) for over 3 years, under the pretense of re-unification with the parent. I also would like you to know for those who are not aware, these organizations are government funded, they receive grants for however many children they legally kidnap & hold in their custody, don't take my word for it, do a little research on your own, and find out how & where their money comes from. Their case loads are supposed to be 18-20 cases per case worker, it normally runs about 80, that's why there is such a high turnover in case workers. They don't need a degree to become a case worker, normally an 80 hour course and they become designated police over your entire life and you have no control, they are not legally responsible for any decisions they make, they have immunity and cannot be sued, again do the research you will absolutely appalled at the power these so-called hired caseworkers are given to change the life of all involved. Sorry, if I get carried away, but I have 2 precious twin grandchildren out there some where, they are presently 6 yrs old, I haven't seen them since they were 3, and I need someone to tell me how I can find a legal way of finding them. We as grandparents should not be punished because our children made mistakes and lost custody of their children, we are still blood and no law can take that away!!
If there is anyone out there that has to deal with this sort of case, please feel to email any info or contact me. Thank you in advance for listening. -- Regards, Donna

Expecting a Granddaughter:  Hello! My name is Sherry and my daughter is expecting my granddaughter in 2 weeks. This is my first grandchild. My daughter is only 15 years old and I'm still in shock to say the least about her pregnancy. I'm really nervous about being a grandparent. Can someone give me some helpful advice about how I can learn how to cope with this unexpected but somewhat delightful event. I am 41 years old. Thank you very much.  Sherry

Rights:  My son was murdered in aug.2004...his ex girlfriend came to me and told me her daughter might be my granddaughter...we did DNA test and found out she is my grandchild...I have supported them from may 2005 when she notified me until apr.2006 when she decided to get married and cut my visitation off...i need help...now her and her new husband are trying to adopt my granddaughter and keep me from visiting with her....
sincerely, Dee Tucker

Any Help Appreciated!  My daughter has 2 children and was living with their father. She asked me if I would help her to leave him because he was very disrespectful by having another woman in their apartment. He also spit on her during an argument.  I fell out with him years ago because he was disrespectful to me and cursed me out. I always kept the communication open with my daughter so that I would be able to see the children but I have not spoken to him since he cursed me out.  I went and got them from the apartment and brought them to my house. The very next morning, I could tell that she wanted to go back to him by the comments that she made. I was very disappointed by this and I let her know that. We soon fell out because of it.  She has called since then and I have asked about seeing the children. She always says I can see them but never commits to a time/place. She was recently admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. A friend of hers called me to let me know. I went to see her. The children were staying with their father, who, by the way, had moved in with them in her new apartment.  While talking with her friend, I’ve learned some very disturbing things. It seems that this man is mentally and physically abusing my daughter. He forbids her to allow me to see the children. If she lets me see them it will result in a fight between the two of them.  I’ve been searching to see if I have any legal rights and also looking for some support. This situation is breaking my heart and I don’t know what to do about it or if there is anything that I can do. I know my daughter is choosing to live in that situation, but the children don’t have any choice. While my daughter was in the hospital, the children did not have baths or get enough to eat. It’s all after the fact now and there is no way of proving this, but if I had known that, I would have pursued trying to get them then. From what I’ve read so far, now that my daughter is back with them, we don’t have any rights. I’m in the state of TX and it seems the laws are different for every state. Any help, advice, support, kind words given would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you, Janet

Custodial Grandparent Needs Help!  I am a grandparent who was awarded custody of my two grandchildren in Dec. 2005. This summer the kids went to Japan to visit their mommy and her husband for a court ordered visit. She called tonight to say that my grandson was very upset. She says he has been asking her if she would have a baby brother for her, the whole time he has been with her. She says that he has been telling her that he wants the baby to come live with him in Texas with us. Both he and his sister live with me and my husband. My daughter, of course, says that she would not let the baby come live her and she does not know what to tell my grandson.

I feel like she is putting the horse before the cart since she says she is not pregnant. Does anyone have any ideas what to tell her? -- Holly

RIGHTS:   My daughter and her son 2 yrs. old live with us. The father is now trying to take custody. We have retained a lawyer on her behalf because he is a 4x convicted felon. They were never married but he hates me and hates my daughter. He is doing this as "pro-se" acting as his own attorney. She (my daughter has no record at all of any kind) he is claiming she has a drug problem though.  Any advice?  -- Loretta

Lost & Found:  I'm a 60 year old grandfather rising my two grandchildren ages 13 & 11, for the last year on my own because their father is prison & their stepmother has a child of her own and can't seem to get along with my granddaughter. So I have taken in the two. Their father who has been to prison before; so I've had the kids in the house before when my daughter was alive.  Eleven years ago I was divorced and a year later my daughter and grandkids moved in. I'm happy with my grandkids around but I worry that their father will be out in two years and they will be back with him and his girlfriend and my grandchildren will not be happy again. I get along with their father but feel the kids will be older and might not be happy with the situation. I don't know how to explain this but it just break my heart knowing that their living them and not happy. I have no legal rights to the kids. I also was raised without a father and want my grandkids to have parent with mother no longer alive! I just want them to happy but I don't if this the right thing to do? -- Keith

Grands Who Are Parents: I am looking for a website, preferably in my state of Texas, that can tell me what kind of help there is for parents who have custody of their grandkids. Would really love to communicate with other "parents" to see if it's as stressful for them. The guilt is coming on...... Please help me find something - Mary

Grand in Australia:  Hi -- I live in Australia and would like to be in contact with Grand Parents but I live in Australia.  Can I do this? I am a Grand-Mother of 4 - but I do not see my Grand-Daughter. Please write! - Carole

Zero Contact with Grandkids --  Our four children (ages 25, 27, 37 and 40) have not talked with me, their father, in over 8 years! They side with their Mother and love her to pieces. But because I left about 15 years ago, I have no communication with any of the grandchildren and only a little communication with my oldest daughter (40). I try. I send Christmas cards, birthday cards, presents, etc. They all know my address and that I am alive and well. But, they will not write or call.

My oldest son has two boys aged 9 and 12. I have never seen them, talked to them, or received a thank you note for my Christmas presents. They see their grandmother often and travel with her on vacations. My son and daughter have also a conspiracy with my youngest brother and his wife whom they visit. My name or whereabouts is never to come up during their discussions for fear that the grandchildren might hear about me and start questions.

Is there anything I can do to establish communications with my family? I am a serious Christian and have prayed about this for years. My wife loves me dearly and is a little worried that I am so heartbroken over this loss. I have never, ever mistreated any of my children. I have supported them and communicated with them when they would let me. I know, people who have committed crimes and spent time in prison receive better treatment than I have. Please help! Stuart

Custody Help Wanted!  I live in York County Pa. and Have had my grandson with me since he was a baby; he is eleven now and he loves it here with his Mawmaw and Dadad. We do not have custody of him and his mother wants to take him back again; she knows he's happy here and even has asked us to take care of him. Now all of a sudden she wants him back--she's done this before only winding up sending him back again; she even told us "I know where he is happy at". But yet she continues to due this back and forth bit. We are tired of the arguing when this happens and its not easy on our grandson who already has an anger problem. He takes Prozac and is suppose to be in counseling and she stopped that because she didn't like the counselor. This has happened several times. He wants to be in drawing therapy because that's the way he likes to "talk" about his problems. My hands are tied as far as getting help for him because we do not have custody. Is there anybody that can tell us what to do and how to stop this arguing with her?
We love him very much and want to keep things the way they are and try to get custody. Thank you! anonymous

Long Post, But I Really Need Help!  My son met a young woman of 18 on the internet while he was still sick from radiation and needed a second surgery. He was in his mid 20's. He was lonely and scared. He has a rare form of cancer. She only lived a block away and she & her mother were having terrible problems or so she said. She claimed her mother was so terribly abusive and neglectful. To make a long story short I will say this. She planted herself in my son's house and did nothing to contribute to her stay there financially, emotionally, nor did she do housework for over 3 years. He managed to get her out for a brief time but she came back and was pregnant. She was very abusive to him. She would scream at him (I have witnessed this firsthand) and strike him and push him and even stand behind the car so he could not leave. One night we came home from a concert and my son was out front in his car asleep an then she came over. She would manage to keep herself somewhat controlled around others. She and her mother and sister would constantly gang up on him and nag him. I heard them one night when they did not know I was there when my son called me for help.

She never even supported my son when he had his second surgery (meaning that she did not even go to the hospital to be with him) and in court last year she and her mother and sister lied and said he was not even sick. Evidently she was so stuck on herself that she did even understand the seriousness of his illness. It seemed humiliating not to mention the emotional trauma to prove to the courts that he had cancer. From the first announcement of her pregnancy my son tried to work with her to make a home but she refused to lift a finger and she and her mother and sister became possessive even before the baby was born. I sometimes think that they contrived this pregnancy to get more benefits and I have my reasons and cannot help but think this way. Her mom has been living in a house paid for by her separated husband of over 15 years. They have not yet divorced. The sister had a 8 year old boy living with them who has terrible tantrums and only eats cheese, chips, ice cream, etc. Refuses to eat any meat, veggies, or fruit. He sounds like a wounded animal and shouts profanities. Their home is a mess and unclean. The fathers are all missing in this family and they have coined them as losers while they continue to receive government funded programs. My son does not fit this category. He is a hard worker and a good hearted loving person. This is a total nightmare and it is so very difficult knowing my granddaughter is subjected to all of this and is/will probably be persuaded with lies about her father also and his family.

My son & I bought the home he is living in as a fixer and in the process of working on it came the devastating news of his cancer and then this young woman and all of her problems. It has been a trying almost five years to say the least. He was trying to get his life back together. He/we put everything on hold when she became pregnant. But we paid her way and the baby's too.

She decided to go back to school and we supported that and then she started partying and said she needed her space and would leave baby home with my son and take off and not come home for hours and sometimes days. We helped the best we could to take care of baby. Since the baby was born she would either leave baby with my son or take her to her mom's. If baby came to my house they would come and pick her up. Even in the middle of family dinners on special occasions that they refused to come to when cordially invited.

Of course she has lied to the courts about so many contrived things that are unbelievable and the mother that was supposedly so cruel to her lies for her too. She has not passed 2 drug tests. I guess it all depends on which judge you get but to our relief my son did get temporary custody. It seems so obvious but she still gets too much time with her. I have been the significant care giver mother figure for over a year now and while my son is working and the courts don't even ask for my opinion. Baby has come back from resident time with her mother a mess and upset every single time. I find the courts so unintelligent for lack of a better word. It is purely disgusting.

Our lives have turned upside down for this wonderful little baby. All of us love her so much. It is so difficult and I just don't think that we are getting treated fairly by a court system that just doesn't really seem to have the best interest of this child in mind. They pass things off like its a 10 minute game of some kind without even looking into the facts. The attorneys have made me out as a controlling grandparent but it is so the other way if they just would study the case more than 10 minutes. The only one that is being hurt in this process of theirs is our sweet & precious little granddaughter.

We have spent part of our retirement in attorney's fees and they seem to be nonchalant and non aggressive...but we do not know what to do at this point. Don't want to rock the boat. We have also spent part of our retirement trying to help out a young woman that could care less. We never even got a thank you from her or her mother.

My son is on careful watch with his cancer but now there is a possibility that I have breast cancer. The court date is for August for permanent custody and I can only hope & pray that the next judge is more wise than the last.

I also fear that my son may get sick again with his cancer and not do so good. What then? My husband and I have put lives on hold and our money upfront for what?? So we may never see her again? This is my only son and I have been through a mother's worst nightmare with his cancer alone. It seems like we are at the mercy of these strangers.

I need a support group for sure. This is just so difficult. There are some days I just want to run away.....but then I think of that sweet little baby who is so innocent and I know that she needs all the help she can get in this crazy world.

How can we be sure that we have the best attorneys here in Western Washington?  Thanks for reading, any help appreciated!  Linnea

Grandmother Needs Helpful Advice:  I am a grandmother of a beautiful little boy now 15 months, from my daughter who is quite young (she is 18 now) she and her husband are very immature, and I hate to say it but my daughter is very lazy. We have been to their house on several occasions where the place was so filthy that we can easily see why it is hard for my grandson to stay well. She let his Medicaid lapse and did not renew it, and he has "RAD" since about 4 months old. Chronic respiratory problems that they cannot properly diagnose till he is at least 2 so the doc can run reliable tests. Till then he has to stay on breathing treatments which the medications are really expensive.

My daughter and her husband have no means of transportation at this time although he finally did get a job he gets rides with co workers. They live a good 20 minutes from us and I have to go over there to pick him up and also take him home when he stays with us. He had been staying every Wednesday night and Saturday night with us on a regular basis and then staying other nights and days as well, whenever they needed us to keep him. She is not working outside the home at this time, nor going to school, although she did graduate high school she has no immediate plans for anything else. I have ended up taking the baby to the doctor and paying for his prescriptions, and when we didn't have enough money for the medicine one time it took them 4 days to finally get it filled and he suffered those four days with an infection. They just got another puppy (they already have 1 dog, and they paid 65 dollars EACH for tickets to a weekend concert, but cant afford to buy diapers at times, and cant afford his medications and doctor visits. My daughter lies to us and then when we try to get her to see the error of her ways she tells us that she is an adult and its her baby and none of our business. Yet she has called so frequently asking me to come get the baby to give her a break because she is so frustrated. I don't understand why she cant manage to keep her house clean and take care of him without getting so aggravated at the little guy. I can hear it in her voice and can hear him crying in the background when she is having a "bad" day. Her husband and his family have a very "devil may care" attitude and I don't feel that anyone over there takes this baby's needs medical or otherwise seriously enough. I love him so very much and have grown very attached. I never wanted to be the interfering Granma....I have a granddaughter from my son and his wife is young too, but they seem to have it together, and I was only 16 when my son was born but I gladly welcomed help from my parents and was thankful for any advice I knew they were trying to help.  My daughter still seems rebellious although I thought once she had this baby it would be different. Now although I try to help her she is more resentful, and she interprets everything as that I'm trying to take her baby. I don't want to be a Mommy again. i want to enjoy my  grandchild without having to worry constantly. She says I accuse her of being a bad Mom, and I guess in a way it boils down to that because she is not acting like a good Mom at all. I tried telling her many times when I did see her really trying, that I was proud of her. When her house was clean I told her how nice it looked. I don't know...I've had issues with my daughter for a long time, but now that she is out on her own and with a baby she can hardly take care of, its gotten worse in some ways because she involves her husband and HIS family in any argument we have. She tells us about his family and how bad they act sometimes and then tells them we are monsters, and then expects us to all get together for his birthday party and like each other. His 1st birthday party my husband would not even go to it because her husbands father is a heavy drinker and a very nasty attitude. A sort of haughty better than everyone else attitude even though they are living in filth over there. They live right down the street from his parents and I have to bite the bullet that she is closer to his family not only in this way but physically as well. But when she was sick, she called me when she needs something, she calls me.

Recently we kept the baby 4 days so their whole family could go to a big weekend concert. he was kind of sick when they left and when they got back he was worse. She got mad because we were afraid for him to go home until his prescriptions were filled. My husband overstepped the boundaries by insisting they fill the meds before we brought him home. She blew up at us and now the baby's Daddy says he cant stay all night with us anymore. this will mean he will miss church which he loves going to by the way, and we will miss having him here. I don't know what to do. Anyone with an objective opinion that may shed light on this for me...I would very much appreciate it as I need help coping with this. It tears my heart out to see the little guy living like that. When I say filthy I mean it!! Thank you for any advice in advance. anonymous

Brainwashed Grandson: years ago my daughter and now ex gave temporary guardianship to her ex's father and the step grandmother over my oldest grandson. Prior to all of this they had both grandsons on vacations etc.. while there they were being brainwashed by them against us. the way everything that was said in the papers we were made out to be horrible people So my daughter didn't fight them gave them temp. guardianship providing they keep her informed of his schooling with report cards and pictures etc.. well we have received "1" picture, no report cards nothing,,,, and we have to call to see him and it HAS to be with their attorney. then it got be "it is up to him to if he wants to see you" she said. we have no idea if she even told him we had called to see him. I his only blood Gramma can't see him at all they won't let me. I haven't seen him in 8 or 9 years. but recently he called his brother and said if I don't see you soon I'll die and we said we would come down to get him and we come home and go dirt bike riding and barbecue and he seemed excited and said he would be sending us pictures soon and he even talked to his mom which never ever happens when he calls his brother. She was in tears saying my son talked to me my son talked to me. well we waited and waited NO pictures ever came and when we have his brother call and ask there is always some excuse and now he is saying if we want to see him we have to pay $150 for his attorney to be there.. They live in Riverside CA where money talks and they HAVE the money.. Got any suggestions anyone?? We thought about going down there and having an attorney appointed to us and fight for us also thought about just going
down to the place he hangs out all the time too. Please give me a heads up on what you think on this whole thing.

New grandparent raising granddaughters:  My husband and me have been raising our 2 granddaughters, aged 21 months and 11 months since January, 2005. My daughter, husband's stepdaughter, has lived with us since before the oldest was born. My daughter almost died when she was pregnant with the youngest. We have always supported these children. My daughter has major problems from lying, stealing, drugs, men, and not being able to keep any kind of job. She has been in jail 5 months this year and we thought she had hit bottom, but still she thinks she has done nothing wrong. We believe she will spend more time in jail or maybe even prison. No one in our families have even done jail time or prison, so this has been very hard on us. Also, I am only 39, however I have been very sick and had major reconstruction surgery on my back in April, which has impeded my ability to take care of the girls without the help of my mother and mother-in-law. Friends and family have been hard on us, stating maybe we should of let the girls go to foster homes or even be adopted. I just want to know how to tell these people that when you love these little girls and they had no stability in there life but when they lived with us, how do you say we don't want them. I have to deal with the most dysfunctional daughter in the world, raise my granddaughters, help my 19 year old through college, recover from surgery, keep my husband from going insane and show these girls that they have at least 2 people that are stable in their lives. My husband and me. Each baby has different dad's. One dad has at least seen his daughter, however she really doesn't know who he is and the youngest doesn't know either parent. I hope to find grand friends who can share the ups and downs of raising babies again. God Bless all of us, but most of all the children involved in all of these situations. How I wish I raised my children in the 30's or 50's, life was so different then. Janette (Gammies), Texas

Long Distance Grammie:  I am a new Grammie! Because my granddaughter lives 3 states away, I have been researching as much as possible on how to be a part of her life, while being so far away. I have just read the best idea ever. To video myself reading her a story, and send the video and the books to her when I'm done! At story time, Mommy and Daddy can pop in the CD, and she can follow along with the book, as I read to her!  So, my question, does anyone have any ideas of some good (short) books that I could read? I don’t want to be obnoxious! I tend to get a little theatrical! Thanks for your ideas!!!

Grandchildren Need Help:  Hi, my name is Leah and I have a story that you might want to put out there. It is about a grandfather that is fighting for custody of his grandchildren, the mother is a drug addict and the father has sexually assaulted the kids. They lived with the grandfather for a year then the mother got mad at her father and told the state of Kentucky to place the kids in foster care so they did. It is not right what this man is going through and I feel that he needs all the help that he can get and I feel that this is a good place to start. Please help!

Lonely:  Having a hard time finding a sitter and most "so called" friends don't call any more.  It really hurts.  Any suggestions.... 

Nana in VA:  I have one grandson that will be 1 in Nov. My daughter was 22 when she had him, the father is incarcerated (for who knows what). She cannot keep a job and she has lived in 6 different places since his birth in Nov. She has lived with me twice until she stops contributing to the household and cleaning up after both of them. My daughter and I have never gotten along (unless there is something she wants from me) and she will leave promising never to bring the baby back to see me. My major concern is for his safety and health. Although, my second concern is for myself. I raised her by myself and I was really looking forward to having my own life. I have been very torn whether to step in for my grandson or to let her fail. Unfortunately, letting her fail will put him at risk.
I have read several of the letters on this site and I am very saddened by the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren. Why didn't our children learn parenting skills from us like we learned from our parents??  I have an appointment this week with Juvenile Courts and I will see what happens.  Advice or suggestions from others especially in the VA area would be greatly appreciated.  Nana T

What's Going On Here?  Hi! I am a new member. My husband and I live in Kentucky. We are in our early 50's, and are raising three of our four grandchildren. It is very hard starting over raising children, not that we do not love them, but we should be enjoying each other's company instead of raising our grandchildren. Do I sound selfish? I really do not mean to, we did what we had to do to keep these babies together and with family. Our daughter has been diagnosed with manic/depressive bipolar disease. She and her Mexican husband are divorced.( He is the father of these three beautiful children.) Our problem lies with our daughter. She does not want their father to see them at all. How can I morally do this? He adores them as they do him. She calls and tells them that she will be here, and then does not show up. He, on the other hand, calls when he cannot make it and talks to them, and is usually here to get them every two weeks on Sunday, for an outing or to go buy clothes for them. (which helps us) We have permanent custody of the two boys, ages 5 & 6 years old, and temporary custody of our granddaughter who will very soon be 9 years old. She is very knowledgeable and realizes what is going on. She cries when she talks about her mother having her father deported. She recently told her brothers not to tell their mother that their father was back in the country after visiting his mother who is very sick. Anyway, our daughter found out he was back and has been on the rampage ever since, calling and cursing me, (cause all her problems are my fault). She comes here and scolds the kids for report cards, acting bad, etc. Their feelings are hurt because she does this. She also informs me, (not her Dad), of how she thinks they should be raised! She says we care more about their father than we do about her! In my opinion, we have shown her the ultimate act of love any parent can, we are raising her children for her! I do not understand her thinking. She was not raised to behave in this manner. Does anyone out there have any suggestions as to how to cope with this? I would appreciate any suggestions as I am fresh out! Jeanette

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