Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting

If you get help can you please let me know!!!

Son-In-Laws Problems:  I am so unhappy with my present situation. I have two Grandsons, that love me. I try to see them at least ounce or twice a week.( I LOVE THEM TOO)  My Son-in-law treats me with NO respect. I am close with my Daughter, but she is intimidated by him, & goes along with him just ignoring me. We go to their house, he will not come to ours. When I do go to school functions Etc. he ignores me, & NEVER introduces me to anyone as the boy's Grandfather. The boy's are 10 & 11 years old, & can see what is happening. They are starting to show affection only when the Dad is not around. They say Grandpop we love you, & it breaks my heart. He is a Doctor, so money does not enter into anything. My own daughter remembers the respect & fun growing up with her grandfather, but seem helpless in this situation.  I would like some advice, PLEASE!!!!!  Irv

Grandparents in WA State:  My granddaughter lived with us, my husband and I, since she was born until a few months ago when my son and my granddaughters mother broke up. Now the mother of my granddaughter will not let my husband nor I see our 2 1/2 yr. old beautiful granddaughter. I do get to speak to her on the phone, and she says to me "Nana, I want you to come and pick me up, I miss you so much". Her mom hears this and still does nothing . If you are a grandparent and live in Wa. State, lets change the laws here!  Liz Allen http://groups.msn.com/GRANDPARENTSOFWA-STATE 

Not Allowed To See The Grandchildren:  We have two grandsons age 3 and almost 2, by our daughter and her husband. They live about 11 miles away. They lived with us for the first two years of their marriage because of finances and had the two grandsons while they were living with us. Their father is allergic to cats. We had outside cats, but have since given them away and my daughter and her husband have an apartment now. Their father claims that the two grandsons are allergic to cats also and this is the reason that they will not bring them to our house or let us baby-sit them. We always have to call and try to see them at their house. Their father always takes them to his mother's to be tended if needed. I have talked to my daughter about this, but still get the same story that the boys are allergic to cats. Is there anything that my husband and I can do as grandparents? We try to go to their house at least once a week. We didn't even get to see the oldest grandson on his birthday and give his present. The grandsons went to their other grandmother's house instead.  Heartbroken Grandmother

Connecting:  I could use some advice on how to handle the following situation. I'm sure it's not a unique problem but I have no clue which way to go, so to date have done nothing.

Around the holidays last year, one of my sons seem to be complaining worse than normal about our family, he just wasn't happy with any of his siblings, his dad and even though he didn't say me, I'm sure I was included. I tried to suggest maybe since he was in marital counseling, he could address some of the family issues that were bothering him. We are a divorced family. My X, bless his heart, has a good heart when it comes to the kids, but he's very alcoholic, so he acts out and says things are not very appropriate at times. Since the day my son got married, his wife made no secret of the fact she couldn't stand the father-in-law. She always treated me nicely, but I have uneasy feelings around here, one false move or say one thing wrong, I could be in the same position the father-in-law was in.

To make a long story short, my granddaughter was to be in her Xmas play at church and I was invited to attend. A few days before my son called and asked for some gift ideas for his siblings, I suggested some things and then mentioned one had just moved, some items maybe weren't going to work due to a different living situation this year for his brother. My son made a few remarks about his brother. After I got off the phone, I was very upset, I don't like the kids not getting along, and it hurts me to hear them talk bad about one another, and it even hurts when I hear them talk about their dad. There is nothing the dad wouldn't do for the kids if they needed help, but as long as he continues to drink, he will never be the perfect parent (if there is such thing). So I called my son back and left a message saying I was tired of hearing those remarks about family, his family loved him and would do anything for him, he needed to adjust his attitude around me when talking about family, I had enough. A few hours later I get a call from my son, saying if I didn't like his attitude I could look in the mirror because he got his attitude from me and his dad. Two days later I was asked not to attend my granddaughters Xmas play because my son and his wife would feel uncomfortable if I was there. I even suggested I sit elsewhere, they did not want me there. 

I haven't seen the kids since. I did a thank you note for Xmas gifts, and pictures of the kids on their birthday. I did not get invited to their birthday parties, and I have not seen them since the holidays. 

Since the children are quite small, I haven't made any effort ask to see them, I'm still reeling from the fact my son didn't want me at the Xmas play, and I don't want to upset the kids or confuse them. They were just at the age I could take them out without a parent being around for a few hours. Now after 6 months, I feel like they will have forgotten who I was if I do see them. 

How do you handle these situations when the parents are acting like children and you have not seen or heard from your grandkids because of the parents? I would not be comfortable going to my sons house after his remarks, the kids probably come over but they might be scared because it's been so long now.  Thanks.  Snookers

Wow...what a mix on here:  Most of us on here can't see our Grand Children (like myself) for one reason or another, in my case it's because I caused the baby's father to go to jail by telling his parole officer he was abusing my daughter. Now she hates me or as she tells me in secret that she has to "prove" her love for him by hating/eliminating me and later on perhaps it will work out! I am absolutely crushed that I have to stand by while some 2 time felon controls MY life and strips me of my Grandmahood!!! I've never been more angry/depressed in my life. He knows I cannot stand him AT ALL. I am not one that can fake it either believe me...Then there are those that simply don't get along with the son or daughter in-law etc...While reading all of your stories it has made me feel better that I am not alone. However I have to ask a question. How much right do we "really" have? If the children are well cared for by the parents do we really have these "Grand-Parent" rights? I know I do by "law" but is it really right? In my case I do fear for my daughters well being and the baby's of course. When I found out she was pregnant by this guy I was so very angry. I told her to never come to me, I told her I was going to get a restraining order against her if she brings this problem to me but something happened to me. When I saw that she needed maternity clothes I began buying "everything" for the baby to come into the world. I began to accept that she was going to have this baby then I went way over board. I love this baby so very much but realize I am not his parent. She is his mother and if she does not have a need for me to be his Grand Mother then so be it. Now for those of you that have "normal" non-criminal son's and daughter in-laws and you clearly state that you don't like them etc...than I can understand their NOT wanting you to be a part of their lives. It's simple...it would defy their raising of THEIR children as these feelings would rub off onto the kids. Criminal or not...my daughter chose this guy and there is nothing I can do about it. I will not be able to hide my feelings thus I've lost my Grand Son and her. I screamed it thru the hills that I do believe that he WILL hurt or kill one of them one day and now my hands are tied. I know it won't last s he is institutionalized and they were falling apart well on their own before I went off and turned him in to the parole officer. What is it that I really...want? Custody...That is what I really want. I'm too old though raise a child for 18 more years. I believe she puts her son in harms way but the law says that until he hurts the child can I do anything about that even THOUGH...he has a proven record of violence. Then it will be too late. I so envy those few on here that complain they are having to raise theirs when I cannot even see mine. We can adopt children in life but how about Grand-children? Those that don't want theirs I have a big heart with a big empty whole in it and room for yours.  Loretta

North Carolina Visitation:  If there is anyone in NC trying for visitation for your grandchildren, please contact me. My name is Tammy Ramey and I am vice-president of Grandchildren/Grandparents Rights of North Carolina. We are an organization of people trying to get a bill passed in the NC Senate right now that will give you the right to petition for visitation on a case by case basis. Our bill in now in committee. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at this email address  Tammy Ramey

Strange Situation:  I have a situation that is strange if you ask me. My mom has three grandchildren. One lives in the same town, one lives in NC, and I live in Alaska. The one that lives right down the street, my brother and his fiancé', doesn't allow my mom and dad to see or hold the baby that was just born. But the whole other side can do what they please. My brother isn't allowed to even hold his own son. I was wondering what, if anything at all, can my mom and dad to do change this. I don't feel this is right and I want to talk to him but am told to butt out. But I am going there for Christmas this year and want to see him and have my daughter see her cousin. Any Ideas?

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