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Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting (June/2006)
Feeling Guilty & Confused: I have a situation that is causing
me to feel a bit guilty about standing up for myself, but on the
other hand, if I don't stand up for myself then I feel used. I
could use some good advice before I do the wrong thing and create
discord in my family relationship. (Apr/2006) Grandchildren Taken: Hi everyone. My name is Tammy and my 3 grandchildren were taken on Feb.15 2006. I was just wondering if anyone knows of anyone I can write to. Like senators or anyone who might help. If anyone knows of anybody they can e-mail me. Thank you -- Tammy (Apr/2006) Grandparent Rights: My son had a common-law wife and they had a son almost four years ago. Two years ago while doing meth and a threesome there was a major argument and my son hurt his wife to where she lost 3/4 of her pancreas. My son is now serving time in prison. A year ago in February his wife brought their son to me and asked if I would help take care of him. He moved into our home and stayed by court order until December 8, 2005. After the court gave the grandson back to his mother we were allowed to see him about once a week and we could call and tell him good-night. A month ago after a discussion about who was going to claim him on the tax-return we have been unable to see or talk with him. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get our visits back and to get week-end visits? I am told in the state of Colorado that grandparents do not have very many rights. What can we do to move this situation into the 21st century and get rights for the grandparents even if the parents don't want to have the grandparents involved in the child's life? Please help. (Apr/2006) Stressed Out
Step-Grandparents: My husband and I are raising his daughter's
girls, ages 2 and 3. Their father works when the notion hits him, and
spends what he does make carelessly, they've lived in a dozen places in
their short lives because he'd rather buy alcohol or drugs than pay the
rent. Their mother is un-ambitious and let them run wild. When they came
to us, they'd been allowed to eat whenever and whatever they wanted, were
rude and demanding, and had had almost no discipline. I'd really just like someone else in this boat to talk to, vent with, and maybe share some ideas with. My husband is wonderful, and very supportive, but, it's not easy to talk to him about the things that bother me with the kids. Thanks. Would love to hear from other stressed out "step-grandparents" (Apr/2006) Broken Hearted Grandma: I have a very important question, and i hope you can answer it for me. I have a son who will not let me (his mother) and my husband (his stepfather) see our granddaughter. She is only a few weeks old, but i would like to be in her life from the beginning of her life. Do I have any grandparents rights in the state of Rhode Island? Please help - Maureen (Apr/2006) Raising Teen Granddaughter and need help -- Grandparents living in the Midlands, UK: My Husband and I became full-time caregivers for our 12 yr old Grand-daughter 9 months ago. Due to a break down in relationship with her Mother. Her Mother and Father (our son) separated permanently when she was 6yrs old and her brother 1yr. She has unfortunately witnessed and heard many things which she shouldn't have at her age. Before the separation she lived near us, but her Mother took them back to her home town which is approx. 450 miles round trip. We regularly had these two children to stay, despite the journey to collect and take them back, for Christmas, Easter, and Summer holidays prior to our Grand-daughter living with us. We still try to have the grandson when possible and our grand-daughter goes home to stay in school holiday time with her Mother. She also sees her father who still lives reasonably near us every other weekend when possible. All this might seem as though we have got it under control, but we would dearly like to correspond with some one who might have similar circumstances particularly a teenage Grand-daughter as we are struggling with her behavior, mood swings etc. How do you define the line between being a typical teenager and a damaged child, which she unfortunately is. Please share your ideas (Apr/2006) Nanna from Australia,
I have 4 Grand-Children - 1 girl & 3 boys. We see our boys all the time
even though I have to travel interstate to see one of my boys. (Apr/2006) New Grandmother: My oldest daughter has a three week old son. She and her husband our wonderful parents, doing everything very well. He is a healthy little boy and they clearly adore him. We live 1 1/2 hours away and I have sensed a distance from my daughter, not geographically so much but emotionally. She has always been very close to me. I know that she is tired but otherwise seems fine. I have let her know that I am available if she needs anything. I also expressed my sense of emotional distance. She did not respond to me at all. I have given up trying to call as the baby does not seem to be on any sort of regular schedule and I seem to be consistently interrupting but even when we have talked it seems uncomfortable. I don't want to put something there that is not there and I don't want to make it worse by saying something stupid. Needless to say I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could use some advice. Pat in Wisconsin (Jan/2006) Babysitting:
Hello, Both my husband and myself are in our 50s and retired. My husband
has a small job which allows him to work when he wants to. I like
genealogy which keeps me busy and also we both like to travel. This allows
us to take off and go at the drop of a hat on short trips. Our daughter
and her husband had a baby 6 months ago. They work and make a very good
wage. My daughter doesn't think that I have anything to do. (Jan/2006) Soon To Be Grandma Needs Help: I am going to be a grandmother in February. It is bitter-sweet for me. She and my son lived with us for a little over 6 months, until she suddenly took off one night in August, and eventually moved back to her home state. While she was living with us, I experienced some very unusual behavior. I experienced her having deep lows that would last for approximately 2 to 3 days at a time, then things would seem somewhat normal again for about 5 days, then the cycle would start up again. I was wondering what was going on, as I really didn’t know her history as I had not known her for that long. One night she and my son had gone to a birthday party for one of his friends. About 2:00 early the next morning by son walked in with blood all over his face. He had cuts and bruises, and I thought he had been in an accident. I found out that two of his friends were outside, and they all said that she had gotten upset suddenly, at the party and started hitting my son repeatedly in the face. She had taken him by surprise, and he feel back, and she kept slugging him in the face. His friends had to pull her off him. They say she was out of control. Two weeks later, she told me she was pregnant. Between that time and the time she left, she told me she knew that she needed help because of the anger problems she had. She told me that anything could set her off and she gets so mad that she could burst, and there is nothing she can do to control this rage. She said this to me while she was pacing back and forth, with her hands clenched into fists. We have since found out, she had been hospitalized twice in her teens for violent behavior. We are so concerned for the poor little innocent baby that will soon be born, and we don’t know where to turn. A lawyer was retained by my son, in the hopes of getting full custody. We have been given nothing but the runaround from everybody starting with the Father’s Rights Attorney that we retained, to her Prenatal Care Provider that she was seeing when she was here with us. One week they spoke with my son, and were concerned with her state of mind, and the next week, they were avoiding him, and told him to talk to her if he wanted any information. We are very fearful for my little grandbaby that will be born soon. We are so concerned that she will go into one of her rages and hurt the baby. She has refused to seek help. A couple of her family members are saying that she is out of control at home, but they are afraid or ashamed to do anything about this situation. Needless to say she never got help like she said she would. She gets upset when my son brings it up to her, because she doesn’t have any problems. If someone could advise me as to any and all avenues a grandmother can take in a situation such as this one, I would be very grateful. (Jan/2006) Missing Grandson: My grandson lives in another state. My daughter doesn't encourage him to keep in touch with me. I wanted to suggest to him that we become Pen Pals. He is 10 years old. Do you have any ideas how I can get this started? Or a website I could check out to help me? I am not sure what his interest are anymore I have not been able to see him in 2 years Thank you so much Juanita (Jan/2006) Grandparents Jealousy: I am a 47 year old grandmother of (2) toddler girls & the mother of their father. We have a loving relationship with our son & daughter in-law. We live 12 miles from them & run the family business and the other grandparents live 3 miles. The other grandparents are able to visit almost daily. I'm so ashamed to admit I feel left out & jealous at times. Sometimes I even feel that the girls love them more than us. We spend time with the girls at least once a week, buy nearly all their clothes, help with daycare costs, collect silver coins, buy stock & more. It seems we always take a back seat to the other grandparents and get what time is left over. My husband & I have passive personalities, the other grandparents are wonderful people & grandparents, who love our son and adore our shared grandchildren, but are a bit more take charge & outgoing than we are. For instance the other grandmother & myself both wished to be called nana when the first child arrived. So without saying a word I went with maw-maw, at birthdays etc. it is easy for grandparents to have the same ideas about gift giving; so I always let the other grandparents have first dibbs on gift buying. I would not want our son or daughter in-law to know I feel this way. How can I feel more secure in my relationship with my grandchildren? Is this a common feeling? I would like to hear from other grandparents on this subject. Maw-Maw (Nov/2005) Alcohol & Drug Abuse: My son-in-law is raging alcoholic, (drugs involved) volatile, manic depressive, dangerous in his temper and has gotten progressively worst and more abusive. He is not employed, has warrant for his arrest and I have been involved in this tumultuous marriage, taking his role financially and helping ( 18 years) for the sake of my daughter and grandkids. I have been there to help them out but I am exhausted and at my wits end. He has abused me emotionally, caused me grief, etc. but recently physically abused me and I had to report him to the police as he threatened my life. My grandkids are already affected by his bi polar, alcoholism, etc. and now I am the bad person here. I want to seek help for them but teenage boy is already mad at me and refuses to communicate his feelings. I have knowledge of the impact to children of alcoholics (incidentally my daughter is recovering alcoholic but is still in denial with him.) I want to seek help for grandchildren. I will seek help as I see myself getting just as crazy and not being a good role model. I am Christian and hold strong convictions. I am aware we all need to seek professional guidance and help but cannot reach my older grandson. Lee (Nov/2005) I need help, and fast. My parents are raising my 2 nephews. One is a type 1 diabetic (9 years old) and the other had a seizure 2 weeks ago (10 years old). My sister was a good mom until her husband flipped out. He was recently diagnosed as schizophrenic, so we can't rely on him for help either. My sister had 10 years sobriety (from speed) but has recently "messed up". She comes and goes as she pleases, is rude to my parents, doesn't work, doesn't help out around the house. I try to encourage her nicely and she justifies what she's doing because we tell her she needs time for herself. When we criticize her, she flips out and yells and says she's going through a selfish stage and she will do what she wants. I told her to follow her heart and do what she thinks is right, but apparently caring for her kids is not what she feels is right. She stays in her boyfriends trailer for days on end without checking in with my mom. My mom just had a nervous breakdown last week and I am soooo afraid for my nephews. Caring for 2 special needs boys is very tough on my mom, but worrying about what my sister may be doing to herself is even tougher. My mom doesn't know how to use a computer, but if anyone wouldn't mind talking to her or writing her, I would appreciate it. I help with them as much as possible, but I have 2 kids and when I see my mom having a panic attack, it makes me worry and I start into them too. I can deal with the kids and I can help straighten her house (the house is in shambles) but dealing with the emotional side of it is horrible. I feel like I am being selfish by not being able to do more, but without sacrificing the security of my own boys... I can't do much emotionally for my mom. Please help! Lynne (Nov. 2005) DHS
Took Our Grandchildren: Some one needs to help us. My husband and i have spent our life savings
Trying to fight the Oregon department of human services to children and Families. We lost in juvenile court in
Hillsboro, Oregon despite the Fact that the judge said she had no evidence at all.
Presented to her in the last two years by the DHS agency. We have 3 Grandchildren and the two youngest were
taken from us. Lies and false Allegations were told about our oldest
Austin who lives with is and is 12. He is mentally retarded. DHS did not want to take him just the cute
And adoptable they said. We have evidence that the case worker and Foster mother were both in on the fraud created against us. At our
Website below you will read the whole story about serenity bales and Ezra smith. We fear we will never see them again. They lived with us for
Several years. DHS lied to us when they said that they would help us (Nov/2005) Collectible Traditions: My grandkids' maternal grandmother had grandchildren years before we did, and she started traditions for hers that now keep me from doing the same. She already buys them the Care Bears Birthday Candles, the Precious Moments year-specific birthday item, and is building a pearl necklace (one pearl a year) for my granddaughter, and the Hess trucks for my grandson at Christmas. I have a grandson and a granddaughter. Is there anything left you could suggest that I could use to start a collectible tradition? Thanks Sue (Oct/2005) My son & his wife make it too complicated to visit: Dear friends-My son is 38 his wife is 24. The oldest girl is 32 months and a new baby is 2 months. They have isolated me as much as 8 months from seeing the oldest. It is the wife and she has a cruel heart and controlling and manipulating. She also does this to her adoptive parents which is possibly part of her problem as she was a foster child until adopted. Two nights ago my son called me to talk about something and I mentioned seeing the babies and his normal answer was we'll see. I am a good grandma and love hem dearly. He put the older little girl on the phone, she said "Grandma, come home to my home." Her way of saying come see me. I told her I loved her and would see her soon and she said again" Grandma, okay, but come to my home." It brought tears to my eyes and my son heard it all. When he came back on the phone I said "did you hear your daughter." He said yes. My heart aches as she is a baby and to know how she feels hurts so much. She is the boss and to hurt her own little girl angers me. The emotion in my little granddaughters voice lingers on. This is so wrong but I am 64 and every days is precious to me. Please help. (Oct/2005) Miffed New Mom: I need some suggestions/ideas for understanding my mother. My husband and I are new first time parents to a 9 month old girl - she is precious. I have two sisters. My older sister who has no children and my younger sister has a 14 year old boy. For the first 10 years of our marriage we lived out of state and visited irregularly. We moved to Minnesota where my mother and one sister live two years ago (30 minutes from my mother). I can count on one hand the number of times my other has seen the baby. She never calls or e-mails to see how she is doing - she had a month off of work just after the baby was born and saw her twice. She just had two months off of work and again saw her twice. I have stopped initiating phone conversations with updates. My husband and I don't understand why she has no interest in being involved in the baby's life. She is growing and changing everyday and my mother says that she is too busy. I talked with her about having no
involvement in the spring but that did not change anything. My guess is that she thinks the baby
doesn't need grandparents or that she doesn't need the relationship. My husband's parents e-mail is asking for pictures several times a week and always call on Sunday. They are regularly sending (Oct/2005) Lost
Grandchild: I have two separate issues. -- My first issue is 4 years ago, My daughters boyfriend beat my grandchild to the point she almost died. My daughter was called home when the police was called. She took my granddaughter to the hospital. When she got there lo and behold, DFS was waiting. When the doctors came in to check out our granddaughter, my daughter was asked to leave, she told my granddaughter goodbye and then was told after she left she would not
be able to see her daughter again. DFS was removing my granddaughter. Didn't give my daughter the choice of kicking boyfriend out and returning her daughter. (Oct/2005) My
Grandchildren Are Coming To Live With Me: My
name is Pam and I am the grandmother of 4 beautiful grandchildren. 3 of
those children have been in the custody of the DSS Child Protective
Services since June. My son who is the father is currently incarcerated in
another state. The mother of the children lives on the streets of our
town. I spent wasteless time and money trying to get them help, allowing
them to live with me and ultimately the destruction of my home and
finances was the end result. I so wanted them to be able to get the
help they needed. I will be getting custody of the two older
children, ages 2 and 4 in a few weeks. I am SO excited and SO
scared! These children were an integral part of my life up until this past
June when their mother gave birth prematurely to a baby girl. She also was
born addicted to crack cocaine, methadone and marijuana. The baby is safe
in a wonderful treatment foster home with amazing foster parents who have
grown to adore her. They plan to adopt her and as hard as it is for me to
give her up I know that this is the best for her. I want to make the
transition from foster care to Mommom care as smooth as possible. Some of
the concerns I have are: What do I say when they ask about Mommy or Daddy?
I don't want to lie to them but how can I explain to these toddlers that
Mommy and Daddy can't even visit! (This is DSS rules of safety in this
case) What do I tell little Jordan and Jazmine about their baby sister?
They have seen her on two supervised visits with me. (Oct/2005) Rights of
Grandparents: I have 2 grandchildren living in So. California. One is a boy who is smart autistic. They live with their mother who is not married to their father. He also lives with them. She is getting money from the county or the state. I'm not sure which, because she does not talk to me. Her father and myself divorced over 30 years ago. When I recently spoke to him.....he was shattered when he found out he had a
granddaughter. While my ex- took out my daughter for dinner and bought her things, she never told him she had a
daughter. I found out my accident from my other daughter. Whoever is giving her this money does not know that their is someone else in the house contributing. She spends the money she gets for the child on herself....cameras, film,
cds, dvd's. Her mentality is that of a 16 year old. So here you have a 16 taking care of a 15 year old and a 12 year old child. She is 47. She plays games with peoples lives. She tapes the soaps during the day and watches them during the night. Grandpals Home : 1 : 2 : 3 : 4 : 5 : 6 : 7 : 8 : 9 : 10: 11
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