Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting

Grandparent Rights Question: "I wonder if you can help....  I will be adopting my girlfriends daughter in the new year and have a important question about grand parents rights to visit her. My girlfriend and I have discussed that we want to be a real family and her 4-year-old daughter has called me "dad" for a while now.  This caused outrage to the real birth father and his mother.  Her birth father is a drug addict and in court in December for assault on my girlfriend. It is very likely that he will be imprisoned for the offence.  The birth fathers mother has a serious drinking problem.  And we have agreed that it is in her best interest to distance ourselves from that family and I bring her daughter up as my own.  What legal rights does the grandparents have in terms of visiting right over our little girl?  We are very worried that when she visits them the will play with her mind and make her confused and twist her mind against us.  She is a happy girl and has been through a lot in just 4 years of life.  Any light shed on this situation would be most grateful...  Lee 

Hi Lee,  In most states, that even have Grandparents Rights, the grandparent has to prove that they are integral part of the chills life before the court will even consider letting them into the child's life in any capacity.
If for some reason she should sue for visitation you can get the court to fix it as supervised and it would not be for overnight stays at all and probably not even at her home. Even if the birth father goes to jail he can sue for visitation when he's out-I've heard of them doing that even while they were in jail...... But the court can fix his visitation as supervised also-if they feel he should be her life at all. 

All in all, my advice is to try and keep communication open-if not right now at a later time. I would still send pictures of the girl to her grandmother, at least, she can share with her son if she wants to. Your future adopted daughter will want and need to know her birth fathers family later in life, so you don't want to cut them totally out. Maybe keep in touch with other family members if it's not possible to have a safe relationship with the grandmother and the father. Hope things smooth out for you all, especially for the girl-she needs stability and a secure situation. Take care,  Pam R. 

Ohio Grammies Raising Grandkids: We are gay grandmothers, Sher, 54 and Jessi, 60. We have custody of our grandkids, Jacob, 6 and Rhianna, 3 1/2 for an undetermined time. Mom is in the hospital recovering from prescription drug abuse and other mental problems.  Usually we just go along with our routine and life is generally ok. It's lately that I have concerns. Jacob is acting out his anger by being sarcastic, saying no, kicking things, whining. I miss the laughing little boy who loves to put Bionicles together and is good natured. Both of us have lost our patience.  Rhianna is following her brother. She is so unhappy and is generally a happy kid.  Of course there is so much more. We are doing our best, we love our kids and our grandkids but don't have a support group. Please talk to us and maybe we have solutions for you too.  Thank you so much, Ohio Grammies

Grandparents Raising Rambunctious 3 1/2 year old:  I am 48 and my husband is 45 this his first time in raising a child and it has been 27 years since I have raised a child. Our grandson is really a handful sometimes, but we love him very much. I was wondering if there is anybody out there who can share their experience with me or just someone to talk to about what it is like starting over with a toddler. Please e-mail me if you would like to talk.  I am also going to try and start a grandparents raising grandchildren support group in my area, so if you live in the northeast part of Mississippi please contact me. -- Deb.

Grandma Looking for Job: I presently live with my grandchildren.  However, I am looking for a job and have not gotten one yet.  I am considering returning to NJ (I am presently living in Florida.) and am struggling with the decision.  If anyone has any input, please feel free to email me.

Oma Needs Help! -- Our 22 year old daughter and our 3 month old grandson are living with us.  It does not look like the situation will change for some time; possibly years. 
I am finding it difficult to separate myself emotionally from my grandson. If I feel he has been crying for too long (I can't take screaming), he needs to be held, or that my daughter should be sitting with him as often as she can while feeding him and not propping the bottle in his mouth I tend to say so. I keep quiet for as long as I can but find it difficult. I also get upset because "Timmy" has so many different baby-sitters. I watch him 2-3 nights a week and then 3 other nights he will go to 2 other relatives houses. By the time I get him back he has gotten off any kind of schedule and is of course cranky. My daughter's answer to almost everything is.. "I'm the MOTHER". I tend to be more on the gentle side with him, she on the quick and jumpy side. I'm sure some of this is our age difference, but still, I wish she'd be a bit more in tune with his needs.

I wish I could get her to realize that we need to work out our differences for the baby's sake as well as our own. It's just a tense situation for all involved; me, my husband, "Timmy", my daughter, and even our 2 Shelties!;) If anyone out there is in the same type of situation or has any advise to give, please feel free to write us! 

Grandma Annie Looking to Chat:  I just visited your web page to celebrate Grandparents Day and read that you are starting a pen pal service for grandparents. My name is Annie and I have six (legal) grandchildren from my four sons, the youngest son has not started yet. I am an artist and also make prints, etching and woodcuts etc. I love dogs and horses and long walks in forestry type walks with a few hills chucked in and some water. I am fond of swimming too especially with the grandchildren who are pretty good swimmers most of them, some are still to small but promising. Alex aged two LOVES being in the water and is bold and fearless but does not yet have the muscles to swim far or fast. So if you can let me join your new chat line or whatever I will have lots to talk about. 

Mother Is Driving My Wife Crazy:  Please help, my wife and I are new parents with an eight month old daughter. My mother is driving my wife and I crazy. She is telling us how to raise our child and it mostly happens when I am on business trips. I need to find a way to tell her to knock it off and relax and enjoy being a grandmother and let us do the parenting without crushing her and/or making her think that my wife is the bad daughter-in-law for complaining to me about the way she acts. I have told her what is upsetting my wife and I, she'll stop for a while but then when I go on a business trip she will start horning in on my wife and make her feel that she is incapable of raising our child while I am away.  Any advise would help.

Grandmothers Need Help: We are gay grandmothers, Sher, 54 and Jessi, 60. We have custody of our grandkids, our grandson is 6 and our granddaughter is 3 1/2 for an undetermined time. Mom is in the hospital recovering from prescription drug abuse and other mental problems.  

Usually we just go along with our routine and life is generally ok. It's lately that I have concerns. Our grandson is acting out his anger by being sarcastic, saying no, kicking things, whining. I miss the laughing little boy who loves to put Bionicles together and is good natured. Both of us have lost our patience. Our granddaughter is following her brother. She is so unhappy and generally is so happy. 

Of course there is so much more. We are doing our best, we love our kids and our grandkids but don't have a support group. Please talk to us and maybe we have solutions for you too.  Thank you so much, Ohio Grammies

Stepmother/Grandmother where do I fit? Can anyone give me some suggestions? I am a stepmother to 3 beautiful young women. The oldest of them will be having the first grandchild in October. I have been married to their father for nearly four and a half years. I love all three as if they are my own in which I have four to a total of seven children. Anyway the eldest came home last week and announced that she was going to be having a baby in October. I was so overjoyed, I was screaming and jumping around. Then I started to cry, I am so happy for her or for me I don't know. I am only 35 years old as of January. I had not planned to be a grandmother till at least 40, according to my own children's ages. I have never asked my step-daughters to call me "Mom". I have always promoted the relationships between my stepdaughters and their bio-mothers. I have never made any attempt to come in between them. Now, bio-grandmother lives 2000 miles away and grandpa and I live only 20 miles away. I want to be as involved as much as I can with our grandchild. I don't want bio-grandma to feel jilted in any way, I don't want to step on any toes what so ever. How can I handle this? What should I do or shouldn't do? We have 8 months before all our lives will be blessed with new baby, there shouldn't be any hurt feelings at all. Any suggestions? 

Grandma with Visitation Issues: What is the best action to take in a case of a grandmother not being able to see or visit with her grandson? He's 10 months old and I've been babysitting him since he was born and now that there are problems between his mother and my son, we have been told not to contact their home any longer or see the baby boy at all. I always kept him when asked because i wanted to make sure he was o.k. and just wanted to spend time with him. Do I really have to turn my back on this little fella and resort only to my memories? He is special to me for several reasons and i miss him so much and i know he misses us too! Help!

Grandma Pam - Looking for e-Pals:  I'm just looking for other grandparents as e-pals. I'm Pam, living in NC. I have 4 grandchildren-3 living, 1 angel and another one due in Nov., then of course it'll be 5.  My youngest grandchild, at the moment, was premature by 3 months. Any grandparents with that experience?? Right now my daughter, her husband and two daughters are living with us-mainly so there would always be someone at home with my daughter and her baby, since the baby was premature. This is the second time her family has lived with us, even though it's a bit crowded and overwhelming sometimes-mainly for my daughter, I love having my grandkids here all the time. I don't get to see much of my grandson, my second daughter's son. They used to live a few miles down the road, now they're at least 2 hours away and she's due to deliver her third son in Nov., she lost her first son after two days, but her second son is very healthy. Anyway, anyone interested in being an e-pal can email me.  I will try to answer any and all emails I get ASAP. Thanks, Pam (Grandma to Autumn age 7, Baby Neil, angel,  Triston age 2 and Gabrielle age 1)

Grandma Suzy and Pap Pap: We are grandparents who are raising 2 granddaughters.  We have had them for almost 6 yrs now.  They are great girls.  We dearly love them.  However, I (grandma) find that I am low on the virtue of patience.  I used to have more  patience than most .  Those were the good old days.  Is there anyone else out there who can identify with and lend us some advice on the subject?  I am only 50.  Not too old to do the job,  it's just a little bit harder the second time around.    We look forward to hearing from you! Click here to email us

Pam: I'm just looking for other grandparents as e-pals. I'm Pam, living in NC. I have 4 grandchildren-3 living, 1 angel and another one due in Nov., then of course it'll be 5. My youngest grandchild, at the moment, was premature by 3 months. Any grandparents with that experience??  Right now my daughter, her husband and two daughters are living with us-mainly so there would always be someone at home with my daughter and her baby, since the baby was premature. This is the second time her family has lived with us, even though it's a bit crowded and overwhelming sometimes-mainly for my daughter, I love having my grandkids here all the time. I don't get to see much of my grandson, my second daughter's son. They used to live a few miles down the road, now they're at least 2 hours away and she's due to deliver her third son in Nov., she lost her first son after two days, but her second son is very healthy.
Anyway, anyone interested in being an e-pal can email me at csmpam@mindspring.com . I will try to answer any and all emails I get ASAP.

Crying Na'Na' and PaPa: I am a grandmother of 4 with the oldest being 4 years old, two in which we never see. One we haven't seen at all. It is going on 1 month old. Son and wife are getting a divorce. What can we do? I would very much like to see the babies. Please what would you do? We don't have the money for an attorney. My husband and I are foster parents, we have a foster baby that is 8 months old. The mother's thing is that she doesn't trust us why I don't know, we have never gave her reason not to. Thanks.  Please email us with your suggestions.  

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