Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting

If you get help can you please let me know!!!

Food Allergies:  Help! We just found out that our 15 month old grandson is allergic to milk, all soy products, egg whites and nuts!! Does anyone have recipes to share??? Suggestions for meals??? Thanks

Visitation Issue:  How do other grandparents deal with not being allowed to visit with their grandchildren? We have been to court and received grandparents visitation with our grandson who will turn 4 years old in December. He is and probably will be our only grandchild. Just today we had to go back to court for contempt charges because she just refused to carry out the court ordered visitation. 

My son, age 25, has a very serious alcohol problem for which he has received several types of treatment in various centers and spend time in jail for DUI's. I do believe to some degree that alcoholism is a inherited disease, as my dad was a closet alcoholic, my husband's brother is a severe alcoholic and my husband did drink a lot in our early years of marriage. I detest the sight and smell of the stuff...for what it did to my family when I was growing up and for what it is doing to our family at present. If someone sued the alcohol companies as they did with the tobacco companies - oh well that it just another rabbit to chase. 

For nearly a year before their marriage, my ex-daughter-in-law lived with me and my husband while our son was in rehab. We paid all her living expenses and part of her education. She was in cosmetology at a local community college at the time. She has since graduated and only worked in that field maybe 6-8 months. I should mention that we went through 2 rehab centers during this year. She became pregnant in between centers. I took her to the doctor, even had to tell her parents because she said that she was afraid that her dad was going to actually kill her. Her dad was also an alcoholic and cocaine user at one time. What do you expect....right...... They did not actually meet in church......she was drinking herself when they met. He probably met her at some bar.....who knows. All I know that ever since I met her , she has been dominating our life. 

We have a very smart and handsome grandson, who for 2 1/2 years of his life lived in our home and thought that it was his home. He had his own room and bath; as did his parents. In fact one complete section of our home was turned over to them free of charge. We did not charge rent, or anything. We supplied all of the clothing and supplies for the baby, as well as our son and most of hers. We paid doctor bills, education cost for her, new tires for her car, spending money and all of the free groceries that she wanted. 

At this time I was working full time-going to school 2 days and 1 night per week and running my household single handed because my husband worked for a utility company in supervisor status and was gone a lot of the time. I think during this time I really lost my identity.....My sob story so to speak is not that she has remarried- and should I say-the new husband is really a nice guy from what I can tell. He is divorced himself and has a child. The e-wife will not let us talk or see the child who cries to stay at our house when ever he is there for visitation with his dad. My husband or I have to drive our son to pick up the grandson and take him home because of alcohol related issues at this time. This whole thing is hurting the child ...He told me just this past week-end. I don't know why my mother don't like you Mimi you are good to me. I love you and want to stay with you and granddaddy. This really hurts. What are we suppose to do? We do not have another court date until January, 2006. Sure makes for good holidays.....Just pray for us..... I would be glad to hear from anyone with similar circumstances. - Judy

To my fellow grandparents:  My name is not important but i am a 49 year old grandmother of two and i still have an 8yo of my own at home. Actually my oldest grandson and my son are only 6 months apart. 

My daughter is now 25 going for 26 and she got pregnant the first time when she was only 17. At that time I was going through a high risk pregnancy and had to rest in bed for the last 3 months. My health deteriorated due to my age and I also got gestational diabetes (which I got stuck with for the rest of my life) she called me at the hospital the same day I delivered her brother to tell me that she was 4 months pregnant. I found out later on that while I was in bed sick he had been sneaking through her bedroom's window. They got married and she quitted school against my will stating that she didn't feel good. The boy lived with us too and they took care of the baby. However, the marriage started falling apart after 3 years and finally he left and started dating my daughter's best friend. That's when everything turned into a nightmare. My daughter started going out a lot and i would stay with the babies. I started having problems in my marriage as well because of all this stressful situation. My husband and i ended up practically raising our grandson. Finally my daughter left one day and she didn't even call to find out about her son. These were very hard times for all of us especially for my grandson whom used to cry himself to sleep every night calling his mommy. During these times he got closer than ever to us and we treated him like our own son. There were absolutely no differences between the two boys and they treated each other like brothers. Then one day my daughter came back. She never told me nothing about what happened during all this time while she was gone. 

At first she did all right she got a job, rented a house and she moved with Devon. However this well being didn't last too long and I received a phone call at 3 am one morning. The operator at the sheriff station knew me because I was a police officer there. She said my daughter had been in a car accident and had been transported in helicopter to the trauma center. Just remembering makes me cry. She was in intensive care when I arrived to the hospital and for two long hours I couldn't see her. I didn't recognize her at first. Her face looked like a big black football, she had a dislocated hip, a broken leg and a broken arm. She was not driving, a friend of hers was, she was one of the passengers in the back seat when the vehicle had hydroplaned and crashed against a light pole. The firemen took an hour to take her out of the vehicle. After that terrible accident she stayed with me. She lost her job, the house and the boyfriend. She was devastated and with terrible pains too. Two months later she left again. She had a friend picked her up. She was still with the cast on her arm when she left. She left my grandson with me again. This time it was even worst because the little boy didn't understand how mommy as sick as she was had left without him. I didn't hear from her for another month and then one day she came back stating that she had been looking for a job. She had taken the cast herself. A year later she got her own apartment, started dating another boy (who is the father of my second grandson ) and moved her son to another school. My husband and i were still helping her financially and our grandson too (the real dad never sent a penny to support him). Then about 8 months ago. We took him with us in a 3 months family trip. After we came back we were still picking up our grandson every weekend until maybe a month ago when my daughter told me that her son needed to spend more time with his family. She said that i was not mom number 2 but the granny and that he had to learn that even if she couldn't give him the same things we do, he had to learn to accept what he had with them. She said she was the one that had to raise him and me... Mi mission was jus to spoil him as a grandmother.
At this point i didn't know if I should cry or be happy to see that she is finally mature and that she has taken her real role of mother on her son's life. I just feel sad because for me that little boy is like my own son . My husband misses him too, we still have him two weekends during the month and we can see him as much as we want but there is something that bites my heart every time i think about him. I went to have lunch with him at his school the other day and i observed him from far away without him knowing i was there. He seemed so secure of himself playing with his classmates and he seemed happy to see me when I finally approached him. The relationship with my daughter has improved for the best (we used to argue a lot all the time) and I'm proud to see what she has come up to be... But I miss my grandson. I guess in the bottom of my heart he'll always be my other little boy and I pray the lord to take care of him always. I know my heart is always with him even if he can't see me.  Am I wrong in my feelings? -- Lizzie

Paternity:  I just recently found out that my grandchild is not my son's biological child, which means I am not the biological grandmother. The real father has stepped in and my daughter-in law does not communicate with me for whatever reason. This is such a grieving process. IT feels like a death. I don't know what to do ? Any advice. - Lorraine

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