Grand-Pals: Grandparents Connecting

If you get help can you please let me know!!!

Can't See Grandchildren: My son is 38 his wife is 24. The oldest girl is 32 months and a new baby is 2 months. They have isolated me as much as 8 months from seeing the oldest. It is the wife and she has a cruel heart and controlling and manipulating. She also does this to her adoptive parents which is possibly part of her problem as she was a foster child until adopted. Two nights ago my son called me to talk about something and I mentioned seeing the babies and his normal answer was we'll see. I am a good grandma and love them dearly. He put the older little girl on the phone, she said "Grandma, come home to my home." Her way of saying come see me. I told her I loved her and would see her soon and she said again "Grandma, okay, but come to my home." It brought tears to my eyes and my son heard it all. When he came back on the phone I said "did you hear your daughter." He said yes. My heart aches as she is a baby and to know how she feels hurts so much. She is the boss and to hurt her own little girl angers me. The emotion in my little granddaughters voice lingers on. This is so wrong but I am 64 and every days is precious to me. Please help - Karen

Rights of Grandchildren:  I have 2 grandchildren living in Southern California. One is a boy who is smart autistic. They live with their mother who is not married to their father. He also lives with them. She is getting money from the county or the state. I'm not sure which, because she does not talk to me. Her father and myself divorced over 30 years ago. When I recently spoke to him.....he was shattered when he found out he had a granddaughter. While my ex took out my daughter for dinner and bought her things, she never told him she had a daughter. I found out my accident from my other daughter. Whoever is giving her this money does not know that their is someone else in the house contributing. She spends the money she gets for the child on herself....cameras, film, CDs, DVDs. Her mentality is that of a 16 year old. So here you have a 16 taking care of a 15 year old and a 12 year old child. She is 47. She plays games with peoples lives. She tapes the soaps during the day and watches them during the night.  I know I have to file a petition, but I don't know where to get it. I know the family code is 3102(c) and 3104 based on the fact that she is not married.  Any help that you can offer would be appreciated. You can use my name. I don't have to hide behind an alias. -- Sandy Sera

Grandchildren Coming to Live With Me:  My name is Pam and I am the grandmother of 4 beautiful grandchildren. 3 of those children have been in the custody of the DSS Child Protective Services since June. My son who is the father is currently incarcerated in another state. The mother of the children lives on the streets of our town. I spent wasteless time and money trying to get them help, allowing them to live with me and ultimately the destruction of my home and finances was the end result. I so wanted them to be able to get the help they needed.  I will be getting custody of the two older children, ages 2 and 4 in a few weeks. I am SO excited and SO scared! These children were an integral part of my life up until this past June when their mother gave birth prematurely to a baby girl. She also was born addicted to crack cocaine, methadone and marijuana. The baby is safe in a wonderful treatment foster home with amazing foster parents who have grown to adore her. They plan to adopt her and as hard as it is for me to give her up I know that this this the best for her. I want to make the transition from foster care to Mommom care as smooth as possible. Some of the concerns I have are:  What do I say when they ask about Mommy or Daddy? I don't want to lie to them but how can I explain to these toddlers that Mommy and Daddy can't even visit!  (This is DSS rules of safey in this case) What do I tell two older children about their baby sister? They have seen her on two supervised visits with me. Will they think badly because I can't care for her too? How do I fit in " Mommom" time for my other granddaughter who is in a loving, responsible home with her own Mommy and Daddy?  I am interested in connecting with any other "grands" who are raising their grandchildren, please anyone who wants to connect please email me! -- Pam

I have two separte issues:  My first issue is 4 years ago, My daughters boyfriend beat my grandchild to the point she almost died. My daughter was called home when the police was called. She took my granddaughter to the hospital. When she got there lo and behold, DFS was waiting. When the doctors came in to check out our granddaughter, my daughter was asked to leave, she told my granddaughter goodbye and then was told after she left she would not be able to see her daughter again. DFS was removing my granddaughter. Didn't give my daughter the choice of kicking boyfriend out and returning her daughter.

My husband and myself were truck drivers at that time, in Montana when we got the call. We found a lawyer went to court to try and get custody of our granddaughter. Because I made a comment of having contact with my granddaughter all the time (calling at night, or coming home once a month) that was used against me as I should have known something was wrong. 

After a long bitter custody battle, one year later, we lost all consideration. Including adoption. The sad thing is all this time I could not be there for my daughter during her issues, orders of my lawyer. I now have a granddaughter I will never see unless, we find her.

My other issue is my daughter whom is 28 now, has a 1 year old son, the father is finally by order of the courts paying his child support. I care for this child day and night. She has this idea in her head that she can go to work at 4:30 a.m. come home spend an hour or so with her child, go to bed and then the weekends, she feels she should be able to come home from work, clean up and go to the bar, leaving at about 7:00. I then have my grandson, all weekend and every day of the week. My husband and I feel we need to do this so we don't end up with the same issue as happened 4 years ago. Now, the heart breaking thing out of all this is she is pregnant again, doesn't want to be, but we don't believe in abortion, and she is out for revenge on this guy. They were dating, planning on getting married, now she is pregnant and well, like a lot of guys is in the process of leaving the scene. I am so frustrated. I wish she would wake up and care for her children. Think about what she is doing. I love my grandchildren very much. I would never do anything to harm or leave them. I wish she would realize the bar scene is doing nothing but ruining her and her children's lives. -- Granny Woolsey

Can't See Granddaughter: I am not sure if this is the right format for my question but here goes. My son is an inmate in a California prison. Several months ago his ex girlfriend called me (she had also called me previously) and told me about her daughter. She said her daughter is my son's child. The timing is right and my son had told me that she was pregnant before he went to prison the last time. The child is 4 years old. I talked to the mom for a long time and had called her a few more times. Then I sent her address to my son who has written her several letters. She had written him back about his daughter. I guess she changed her mind and decided she didn't want us in their daughter's life. I had told her how much I would like to get to know the Madison (child) and that no matter what happens with my son that I am looking forward to being Madison's grandma ( I already have a grandson by way of my oldest son) Well Brooke (the mother) just disappeared. My son is devastated. He told me that knowing he is a dad gives him hope. And now we can't find Brooke. How sad. It hurts me and my son. I can't afford an attorney or someone to search for Brooke and even if I find her than what. I live in California and they live in Texas. Is there anything I can do to locate her and meet Madison???  -- Judy

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